I remember the joy of first discovering comics when I was a kid, and couldn’t wait to share that simple joy of a comic book story with my own children when they were old enough. And finally, the day came! It was bedtime, and I would read a comic to them as their bedtime story! I thought I would start with one based on a nursery rhyme, to ease them into it, and chose “Spoon Castle.”
My wife, Tina, rolled her eyes at how excited I was when it was time to read our children, Turner and Faye, their bedtime comics! They plopped onto Turner’s bed and I pulled up a chair. “Check out the cover!” I showed it to them. I’ll always remember their little smiles when they saw the muscled spoon figure duel wielding machine guns.
“Ready?” I asked. They gave me a thumbs up, and I started reading. “And the dish ran away with the spoon… one year later. Frank “the Spoon” Castle hopped his way up the steps to his old home. It looked the same. The same picket fence and flower boxes. It was as if nothing had changed, but Frank knew so much had changed. The glass screen door showed his reflexion, the same Frank, but older. He tried checking his concave spoon face, but since he was a spoon, his reflection was upside down and skinny.
‘You can do this, Frank. You’re home now.’ He thought about using his keys to go in, but knocked on the door, as to not alarm his family. He heard his wife, Maria Fork-Castle, yell “coming” and footsteps approaching the door. Frank was a former Marine and Navy seal. He had fought bravely in the great cutlery wars. But at this moment he was sweating so much he could rust.
Maria Fork-Castle answered the door. She was as silvery and beautiful as always. She stood at the door and said nothing.
“Honey, I’m home.” Frank said nervously.
“Yes. It seems you are.” Her tines were unreadable.
They stood there for the longest time before she finally let him into the house. And again they stood, not saying a word. Then Maria slapped Frank and said, “You bastard! You left us for that ‘home wrecker’ – dish. “
“It’s not like that, honey.” Frank said, putting his metallic hand on Maria’s cold shoulder.
“Don’t ‘honey’ me,” Maria snarled and slapped his hand away. “You left me to raise our little sporks, Lisa Barbara and Frank Jr.”
“And I wanted to be home with you every day. I really did. Not a day went by that I didn’t wish I could be with you, but I didn’t have a choice. I’ve tried for so long to protect you and our little…”
“Protect us from what, Frank? That hussy of a slut dish?”
“Don’t say that about the dish. You don’t know -“
“No, Frank. I don’t know. I don’t know how you could just up and leave your family.”
“Please. Let me explain. At the very least, I owe you that much.”
“You’re damn right. Come in. The kids are at my sister’s. That will give you time to explain yourself and leave before they get home.”
“Hon-“ then Frank stopped himself, went into the living room and sat. Fork sat across from him, and as he talked, he could see her tines soften, at least a little. She, of course, knew about his military background. But he had kept his undercover government assignments secret. She thought Dish was his colleague at the military academy where they both taught. But Dish was also an undercover platter for the government. Their travel assignments weren’t to give guest lectures, but to take out cartels and dangerous warlords.
“Oh, Frank. Why didn’t you tell me?” Maria asked and leaned forward.
“I’d rather die than put you, Lisa Barbara, and Frank Jr. in danger. I had to keep my lives separate. And the last mission, a year ago, wasn’t an option. The government made that clear. But I insisted it would be my last, and now I’m home.”
“And Dish? Where is she?” Maria asked pensively.
“There was never anything romantic between us. Ever. She was like a sister more than anything.”
“Was?”
Frank looked down. “She threw herself on a live grenade and saved our team’s lives.” Frank said, remembering that horrible moment he lost a friend. He had lost so many over the years, and would lose more.
Turner asked me, “Why did they say ‘would lose more’?”
Well, look who has an interest in the simple joy of comics? I smiled and said “Oh, yeah, they are just foreshadowing the future past-time travel when Frank teams up with Salvagebot, who had uncovered that Slandor was double-crossing the Honor Portal and working for Captain Corrosive to time travel back to enslave the Malathons and trick them into believing that Frank and Salvagebot were their enemies, but they had received a secret message from Anternoun warning them not to trust anything from the Quartz Oblivian System, especially Captain Corrosive, but it was a trick to gain access to time portals. So Frank and Salvagebot had to fight the Malathons until Endpost arrived with the Zeta-Contractor Device, which Professor Plezoid broke apart to get to the Narpartical accelerator inside to create a Thevlar Wave Device, which, of course, caused the other dimensions to destabilize.”
My kids just stared at me for a while.
“Back to the story,” I said. “Frank and Maria made up, at least tentatively, and decide to take the family to the park the next day for a picnic and…wait. Um. I don’t think you’re old enough for this next part.”
Turner and Faye gave me disappointed scowls. “Awww.” I countered. “It’s okay. Here’s a good one. Let’s read ‘SuperForce School.’ Check out the cover!”
“Neato!” They smiled, and I started reading. “It was a new day at SuperForce School. And havelArm had just returned from her battle with Danger-Moose.” I showed them the drawing of havelArm walking across the quad of SuperForce School.
“Who is that?” Turner asked.
“Oh yeah, just to give you a little background. havelArm didn’t originally start at SuperForce School. She was born 8,000 years ago from now on the plant Arekell, which was fighting the Landblum Legion for sovereignty. She was in line to be the next queen, but her cousin, MareBrok, was jealous because his family had always been loyal to the Frontist Legion, even though they had double crossed the LizLords in the Battle of Thru with their natural enemy, the SnalFolk, of course. So MareBrok had invited Ganter Man to come to the royal wedding of Yarloga and Stenderfarl, knowing an assassination attempt would occur. But Stenderfarl had gone forward in time and discovered the Venkor Diamond’s true power. So, of course he foiled the plan, but accidentally sent havelArm through the Citum Portal to Fellgnor, and she wound up being invited to teach at SuperForce School, after fighting against Klantok, well, his twin, obviously, but havelArm didn’t know that..”
“Oh,” said Turner, while Faye just stared off.
“Anyway,” I continued. “It was a new day at SuperForce School. And havelArm had just returned from her battle with Danger Moose.” I looked over and asked Turner and Faye, “you know about Danger Moose, right?”
“Ummm…”
“So, to understand why havelArm was fighting Danger Moose while she still, was technically only supposed to be teaching because of her probation from the Honor Portal, you have to understand that Danger Moose didn’t know havelArm had stolen the NanoGem only so she could read GemREaders mind and get the location of the Flaznor Device before the Warp Wars started, but then had to go forward in time to stop the Last Warp War, which allowed Lepordchain to access the core of Namblar, which gave him the last piece of the Forward Device to unlock Danger Moose’s eternity shackles, which Danger Moose vowed havelArm would be his first victim for when she fought on the side of the AnterForce.”
“…right” said Faye.
“Anyway,” I continued reading, “ it was a new day at SuperForce School. And havelArm had just returned from her battle with Danger Moose. Professor Gratron stopped havelArm on her way in. ‘Has Trognar spoken to you?’ he asked.
“No,” said havelArm to Professor Graton, who still wore his Arberian Uniform, even though the Arberian Legion betrayed the Cardorian Guard, which havelArm kept to herself, knowing only of the betrayal from her time she spent on Zlor Island. “The last time I saw Trognar he was in his laboratory with Kranthene. They were working on decoding the Vlanlog Device.”
Professor Graton paled. “Trognar was with Kranthene? They were both working to decode the Vlanlog Device for Project Vlanlog? Even after Kranthene had warp traveled to Dimension 38 to steal the plans for the Vlanturg Bomb? Which could destroy everything in Dimension 856, thus unraveling time here in our dimension by proton symmetry?”
“Oh, Professor Graton, we all know proton symmetry is only theoretical,” said havelArm dismissively.
“Then explain this!” and Professor Graton held up… the glowing Jestup Amulet!
“Impossible!” Said havelArm, but thought back to lectures she herself had given, explaining how the Jestup Amulet was once considered benign, before the Dr. Westron got ahold of it to use as a weapon against the Qunuless Corporation, who were secretly building…that’s right. The Zeta-Contractor Device.
I stopped and asked, “So, do you understand how, in this comic universe, the Zeta-Contractor Device is so powerful? But it’s practically useless in other parts of the multiverse unless you pair it with – “
“Sure, whatever,” said Turner and Faye. Tina came in to give the kids a goodnight kiss. She saw the Spoon Castle comic and raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you think they’re a bit young for that one?”
“Yeah. I started it and then realized so we switched to SuperForce School.” I said “We were just talking about the importance of finding the Zeta-“
“Love you all! G’Night!” Tina said and ran out of the room.
“Mommy! Take me with you!” Faye yelled and ran after her mother.
“Okay Buddy, I guess it’s just you and me now. Boy time with the comic books! Yay!”
“Uh, huh,” said Turner.
“Anyway” I continued. “It was a new day at SuperForce School. And havelArm had just -“
Turner yawned again “You read that part already, daddy. A lot.”
“Oh, you’re right. Where were we? Had we read the page where Kranthene takes Trognar captive?”
“Will it make this comic go faster?”
“Sure, it’s like halfway.”
“Yup. We read it.”
“Ok. Hold on to your socks, because it’s about to get exciting. But first, I need to fill you in on something. It may seem like a spoiler, but it really isn’t because there are multiple timelines. havelArm and Kranthene are secretely -“
“Working toghether?”
“Yes! How did you know?” I asked, pleasantly surprised.
“Just a guess.” Turner said and rubbed his eyes.
“Yes. But they are by no means allies. You see, back when Kranthene was working at Octovane Industries, he invented – “
“Some type of time-portal bullshit?” asked Turner.
“Language, son! But… right again. This would allow him to create…”
“Multiple timelines,” we said together. I was impressed by how engrossed Turner was, even though he had turned over and pulled the covers up over his head. “G’night daddy.”
“Goodnight son. I love you.” I gave him a kiss on his head and turned off the light.
I went down the hall and tucked in Faye. I brushed my teeth and put on my pajamas. As I climbed into bed, Tina was reading some novel about self-discovery or what such.
“You wouldn’t believe how much Turner loves comics.” I said.
Tina smiled and at me and winked. “He’s a nerd, just like his dad.”
“He even figured out that, before I even read it, havelArm and Kranthene are secretely -“
“Working toghether?”
“Yes! How did you know?”
“Just a guess.” Tina said, not taking her eyes off her book.
“Yes. But they are by no means allies. You see, back when Kranthene was working at Octovane Industries, she invented – “
“Some type of time-portal bullshit? G’night honey.” She closed her book, turned off the light, and went to sleep.
I tried to fall asleep, but I kept wondering. What if, in the distant past, the Quartz Oblivian System had kept their truce with the Dargon Portal Keepers, and thus the Tralnor wouln’t have formed the Justice Squad to defeat Professor Glorn and then, in that universe…