(You can also hear it here.)
This story takes place at the circus, that’s right, the circus! And although most people rightfully think of the circus as a place of joy and popcorn, traveling town to town spreading laughter, it also has its share of, what this circus called “unpromising days.” These were days when things just didn’t go as planned for a performer.
For example:
-There was “Locksy”, the sword swallower who came down with a sudden onset lockjaw.
-There was Art the Clown (which we won’t even go into.)
-There was “Sushi”, who loved eating sushi so much that one day her sweat smelled of salmon. Rest in peace, poor lion tamer.
And perhaps the most tragic “unpromising day” was with Tripsy.
Tripsy’s family had been with the circus for a very long time, and Tripsy, since she was a little girl, never quite fit in. Most of the circus acts, like knife throwing or riding a motorcycle in a ball cage, took, at minimum, a lot of balance and coordination. Tripsy couldn’t walk and chew gum without falling over, nor could she walk without falling over, or chew gum without falling over. That was just Tripsy.
Then one day, on one “unpromising day,” Tripsy saw a new act. The jugglers had started juggling chainsaws. And Tripsy was mesmerized. She just knew she could do it. They made it look so simple, so it had to be simple, right? Besides, the chainsaws didn’t look all that big; she had seen much bigger chainsaws back home in Newt, Texas.
The performers had practiced with just one chainsaw and two balls, then added to the number of chainsaws as their skill and confidence improved. But that just seemed to be a waste of time, thought Tripsy. Why not start with all three chainsaws? And Tripsy, if not coordinated, was persistent. And she just knew in her heart of hearts she could juggle chainsaws too!
On this “unpromising day” the jugglers left their chainsaws out during their lunch break. Tripsy knew it was her time to shine. She tripped her way over to the chainsaws. This was her chance to shine.
Blood was everywhere. Rest in Peace Tripsy.
The tragic loss of Tripsy shook the circus especially hard, since she left behind her little daughter, Stumbly, who was just a little toddler. Now, Stumbly wasn’t her real name, of course; it was a nickname she had been given. Her proper name was Stumbelina Von StumblePants.
It was the circus’ job to watch over little Stumbly, and make sure no harm came to her. The circus performers and workers weren’t just a company; they were a family. And they took little Stumbly in and wrapped her in their loving arms and bubble wrap. And nobody was more diligent about Stumbly’s safety than her godmother, Gracie, the tightrope walker.
As Stumbly grew, she was more like her mother Tripsy every day. At first, as a toddler, one could expect her to fall and tumble. But while other children grew and became better coordinated, little Stumbly kept stumbling along. Even turning pages in her schoolbooks made her fall over.
Stumbly grew, and grew, and became a wonderful young lady with the love and care of her circus family. The circus crew tried to find a place for young Stumbly. However, her godmother, Gracie, was very protective. She wouldn’t let poor Stumbly do anything. So Stumbly sat, day after day, month after month, and watched Gracie practice her high-wire act. This kept Stumbly safe from injury, but she was bored to tears. She knew the high-wire act better than anyone else, besides Aunt Gracie of course.
Then, one day, something happened that would change Stumbly’s life forever.
She was sitting on a bench watching Aunt Gracie practice her high-wire act when the circus ringleader came over.
“Good Morning Stumbly,” said Ringleader Robby.
”Oh, hi there, Ringleader Robby.”
”What are you up to?”
Stumbly sighed. ”The usual. Sitting here, watching Aunt Gracie practice. I’m not really allowed to do anything else. Aunt Gracie just wants me to be safe.”
Ringleader Robby nodded. ”Yes, I heard that at the exposition. But is that what YOU want?”
Stumbly shook her head, then fell over. ”I get so gosh darn bored, Ringleader Robby. You are all my family, and I want to be useful and help. But I’m stuck here, just watching everyone else.”
Ringleader Robby helped Stumbly up and took a seat. ”What if we gave you some jobs around the circus? Some things to do that, well, wouldn’t be too risky?”
Stumbly’s eyes widened. ”Really? Like what?”
”Well, you could milk the elephants, or collect eggs from the juggler’s coop.”
”Gosh, that would be swell!”
Ringleader Robby winked. ”And. Well, I have one job that needs to be done right now.”
”What’s that?” asked Stumbly.
Ringleader Robby pulled a small box out from his coat. “I picked up this box of paper clips for the business office, and I keep forgetting to drop it off. Do you think you could do that for me?”
”Boy, could I! That would be just jolly swell!” She clapped her little hands.
”NO!” shouted Aunt Gracie as she climbed down angrily. “It’s too dangerous. I won’t allow it!”
”But Aunt Gracie…”
Ringleader Robby sighed. ”Gracie, she is just dropping off a box of paper clips, surely. . . “
”Absolutely not! I won’t let her get hurt, like..like…” Gracie’s face fell.
Stumbly pled, ”Aunt Gracie. I can do it. I just know I can. And I can’t spend the rest of my life sitting around.”
”Why not? That is safest.” Gracie stepped over a tightrope about two feet off the ground that she used to practice new routines.
Ringleader Robby stood up. ”Because it’s not living, Gracie.”
Gracie looked into Stumbly’s pleading eyes, thought for a minute, then sighed. “Okay. Okay. Just this once. Go straight to the business office and right back. And wear your mattress suit!”
Stumbly’s face lit up in a big smile. This was her first job! Excited, she stood up, fell over, then stood up again, then fell over again, then tried a third time. She cheered, “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”
As she walked to get her protective mattress suit, she stumbled and fell into Gracie, who was standing in front of the practice wire near the ground. Gracie was surprised and fell backwards. Stumbly fell on top of her. Gracie’s leg twisted severely, and her ankle made a horrible sound.
Gracie’s ankle was broken, so she wouldn’t be able to perform until it healed. Stumbly felt terrible. She never, ever, meant to hurt anyone, and especially Aunt Gracie, who was a mother to her. Gracie tried to soothe Stumbly’s feelings, always letting her know she knew it was an accident, but Stumbly took it hard.
She tried to make amends by doting on Aunt Gracie. Stumbly brought her hot tea, but spilled it and burned Aunt Gracie. Stumbly brought her hot soup, but spilled it and burned Aunt Gracie. Stumbly brought her cozy blankets, but spilled it and burned Aunt Gracie.
And the worst of the worst was how Stumbly had let her circus family down. The tightrope act was the big finale, and their show just wouldn’t be the same. Stumbly felt like she had let her audience down. Something this writer does frequently, but circuses actually care!
Like Aunt Gracie, everyone else tried to comfort Stumbly, but it was no use. Stumbly ran off crying, well, tottered off and fell over crying.
That night would be the first performance without a high-wire act.
At least, without a scheduled high-wire act.
Stumbly had been watching Aunt Gracie practice and performances her whole life, and knew the routine by heart. Gracie’s routine was always the showstopper. She jumped rope on the high wire, then juggled bowling pins, all while wearing high heels. For her big finale, Gracie did a series of backflips on the tightrope while dodging attacks from tigers with jet packs and flamethrowers.
Gracie made it look simple, so it had to be simple, right? Stumbly thought to herself, “Easy peasy!” During that evening’s performance, Stumbly put on Aunt Gracie’s costume, heels and all. She Fell over. Took off the heels off and fell over again.
The high-wire act always followed the clowns. As the clowns finished up their confetti bucket routine, Stumbly stumbled to the high wire pole and started climbing. She made it up to the high wire, 30 feet above the ground. Stumbly had always been down at the audience level, and up on the high wire, she was thrown off by how far away the audience sounded below her. However, Stumbly was determined to do this.
The audience laughed and cheered when the clown’s confetti shot out over them. Then Ringleader Robby walked into the spotlight. “Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for coming to our show. I am saddened to say we have unfortunate news. Our high-wire artist broke her ankle during a paperclip mishap, and we do not have a high-wire event for you this evening. “
The audience sighed.
Ringleader Robby continued. “But do not despair! Our tigers with jetpacks and flamethrowers have choreographed an amazing flying dance routine to the music of-” The audience screamed and pointed up at Stumbly, standing next to the high wire!
The spotlight hit her eyes, blinding her for a moment.
Ringleader Robby looked up in terror. “Stumbly! No! What are you doing?”
Stumbly didn’t reply. She focused and got herself ready. Then, before she had even taken a step on the high wire, she heard applause. She dared a glance down. Boy, she really was up high all right, and no safety nets. The applause wasn’t coming from the audience, at least not at first. The applause was coming from her circus family. They were looking up at her and sending all the loving confidence they had.
Far down below, she heard a drumroll.
This was her moment to shine! Without daring to wait too long, or her confidence might disappear, Stumbly, in high heels no less, stepped onto the high wire.
The sound of funeral bells filled the solemn air. The next morning, a crowd of circus performers stood around Ringleader Robby, who spoke. ”Dear friends, we, as a circus family, say goodbye to Stumbelina Von StumblePants, or Stumbly as she was called. And we give a hearty family welcome to our new showstopper Princess Plummet! “
The circus performers clapped and cheered. And thus, our hero Stumbly was renamed!
Oh, yeah. I should explain. Sorry. You see, Stumbly stepped out onto the high wire, in high heels no less. And kept her balance for all of maybe a second. Then she fell, but she didn’t just fall, no. Stumbly plummeted to the ground better than anyone had ever plummeted. She hit the ground gracefully, in a one-knee hero pose. She looked up and smiled. She had stuck the landing like a pro.
Stumbly spent her entire life falling over, over and over, falling over and off of everything, and got fantastic at it. Stumbly was a disaster at walking, but a master at plummeting. Thus, she became Princess Plummet. A showstopper like never seen before.
Her Aunt Gracie was understandably terrified and furious. But with much persuading, she agreed to watch a small demonstration. Gracie cried tears of joy when she saw what Stumbly, or ‘Princess Plummet’, could do. Also, Gracie’s ankle never healed properly, and her tightrope days were over. But she didn’t care about that. Aunt Gracie gladly became Princess Plummet’s trainer and stunt choreographer.
Two Months later…
The clowns had just tossed their buckets of confetti into the crowd to laughter and applause.
Ringleader Robby proudly walked out. “Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages. What you will see next you have NEVER seen before. I promise you. This is the most death-defying stunt ever attempted here, there, or at any circus in the world! Please direct your attention to the center ring.”
A spotlight shone on Princess Plummet, dressed in her aunt Gracie’s sparkly pink gown, now with a sparkly pink cape. She smiled and waved at the audience as two tigers with jet packs flew her up to a small ledge 30 feet above the ground.
By then, Ringleader Robby was standing directly below Princess Plumett, showing her a glass of water. “Princess Plumett will, to your shock and amazement, dive right into this here glass of water!”
At first, the audience laughed at such a ridiculous prospect. But when they saw the serious look in Ringleader Robby’s eyes, they murmured.Robby carefully set the glass of water down and walked away. The drumroll started.
But then, a circus clown limped out, dabbing her forehead with a brightly colored handkerchief and fanning herself with an overly large fan. The crowd chuckled at her silly antics. When she saw the glass of water, she limped over, picked up the glass and drank it down. Then she walked off with the glass just as Princess Plummet jumped off the ledge and careened toward the ground.
The audience screamed! People turned away. But a moment later, Princess Plummet knelt on the ground, looked up, smiled, and waved triumphant arms in the air. She didn’t even have a scratch!
The audience exploded with applause.
Princess Plummet motioned for the water-stealing clown. Aunt Gracie limped over and gave her little girl the biggest and proudest hug ever.